When you feel compelled to do something

There are certain moments in my life that have felt like fixed points i.e. things that were simply meant to be. My mum used to believe in that too, and I remember her telling me that certain points in our lives are set out to make things happen. Like a boulder in the stream of your life, designed to change your course or direction. 

It's certainly true of how I discovered Chiropractic, my home here in Edinburgh, and even my husband! These were all big things where so many complex pieces seemed to come together to give me a lesson or experience I needed. 
Twice in my life, I have been utterly compelled to do something and this trip to Peru feels like the third! The first time was being on holiday in Monterey, California with Richard just nine months after we met. There's nothing there but bakeries and jewellery shops, and being newly in love, of course I wanted to see all the diamond rings! There was one particular antique piece that just captured my heart (and my sanity a little bit). After trying it on and leaving the shop, I proceeded to tell Richard that if he ever wanted to propose, it HAD to be with that ring. So much so, that he really must go back and buy it. It really was like I was possessed, I have no idea what came over me at the time, just a total certainty, that was MY ring. Happily, in the 12 years since we got engaged, I've still never found a ring I liked more!

My second experience of absolute certainty over sanity, was on retreat in Spain in 2018. After a powerful weekend of sweatlodge, firewalking and breathwork, I had what I can only describe as an epiphany. A deep inner knowing from my very soul that the life I was leading was not the right path for me. I knew in my bones I needed to be back in Scotland, I saw so clearly some hills (which turned out to be the Pentlands). Selling my business, and moving my family to a new country was a huge shift, but one that all of us have benefited from in so many ways.

And when the Lendrick Lodge annual magazine dropped through my door in the summer of 2023 and I saw this trip to Peru advertised on the back page, I knew instantly that I had to be there. Fairly often I will think about being on my death bed, and checking-in to see if I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with everything I chose to do today? Saying no to this trip, felt like it could easily become a death bed regret. I managed to hold off booking my place just long enough to talk it through with Richard, and paid my deposit the very next day.

I vividly remember sitting across the sofa from him and telling him all about the trip and ending with "it's not for another 2 years and Beatrix will be almost 10 by then, it will be fine!" Suddenly that time is only 13 days away...

Peru isn't somewhere Richard felt the need to visit, and honestly while I love travel, it's not the location that pulls me but the people running the trip. I will introduce them in more detail later, but Peggy Dylan our leader is one of the most beautiful and inspiring people I have ever had the pleasure to learn from. At 73, we think this is the last trip of this kind she will lead, and these are the places and shaman she has known for more than 40 years, so I deeply trust the integrity of this trip.

Why I felt so called to go, I don't (yet) know. 

Since booking, there have been times I've looked forward to it, dreaded it and not wanted to go. I've felt guilty about leaving my family, my commitments and my community. I've worried about how work will run and if now is a good time to go. These are all normal thoughts. I remind myself that 3 weeks is tiny in the course of a lifetime, and a life worth living includes these adventures and space to reflect and grow. 

Sharing my experiences and observations as I go, will help me stay connected to those important to me and I trust that I am traveling to this place, with this group, at this time for a reason. I'm curious to see when that reason is revealed.. 

Photo: Our engagement photo at Carmel on Sea (about an hour after we bought the ring)!